HOW THE GOD CODED THE HUMAN

This is a developer’s joke from thalia.org (Thalia is the Muse of comedy in Greek mythology). It was posted on FSOFT Intranet sometime ago but many people have not read yet. Enjoy!

For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function.

I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments.

Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows:

===

/* HUMAN_DNA.H

*

* Human Genome

* Version 2.1

*

* (C) God

*/

/* Revision history:

*

* 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.

* 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.

* 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male ver-sion. A bit messy —

* will require a rewrite later on to make it neater.

* 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from

* elephant-dna.c

* 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.

* 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.

* 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.

* 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements — skin colour made

* darker to match my own image.

* 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added ex-tra 'wisdom' teeth.

* Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate.

* 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.

* 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population

* density, to try and slow the overpopula-tion problem.

* 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of CD.

*/

/* Standard definitions

*/

#define SEX male

#define HEIGHT 1.84

#define MASS 68

#define RACE caucasian

/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.

*

* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper

* inheritance features.

*/

#include "mother.h"

#include "father.h"

#ifndef FATHER

#warn("Father unknown — guessing\n")

#include "bastard.h"

#endif

/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables

*/

#include

/* Kludged code — I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper

* library sometime soon.

*/

struct genitals

{

#ifdef MALE

Penis *jt;

#endif

/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */

#ifdef FEMALE

Vagina *p;

#endif

}

/* Initialization bootstrap routine — called before DNA duplication.

* Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers

*/

DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);

/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE

*

* Returns structures containing pre-processed pheno-types for the organism

* to display at birth.

*

* Will be improved later to make output less ugly.

*/

Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);

===

….and so on.

[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]

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